I love being a pastor! It has been one of the great joys of my life. My road to ministry has not been orthodox and I didn’t come from a ministry home, but I know that I am home when it comes to pastoring people and caring for them.
Serving people is such a privilege. To pray with someone and see them have an encounter with God. To step into a difficult moment and walk with them as they find their way. To teach them something that becomes a doorway to a whole new world they never considered. Knowing that the decisions I make and the life that I live is positively impacting the lives of others is one of the greatest parts of my life.
At the same time, it has been one of the greatest challenges in my life. Helping people often comes with a pat on the back, a hug, and a gush of appreciation that can feed the ego of even the humblest of individuals. I am not privileged enough to be one of those saintly souls.
No, I really appreciate the ataboys, the accolades, and the appreciative smiles. I am not drawn to the applause of the crowd as much as I am the admiration of the individuals. When I am able to help a husband deal with a difficult issue at home and he attributes a conversation we had as the reason why, I get the chills.
When a former student reaches out and says how much they learned under me and they can see how it is making a positive impact on their lives now, my head swells ever so slightly.
In the moments, this isn’t an issue, but when it happens over time, well, I can begin to think I am greater than I actually am.
I can conjure up this belief that I am innately gifted with words of wisdom, have disciplined my mind to solve complex problems, and possess the charisma to smooth over any challenge that is faced.
Unfortunately, this causes three different things to happen inside me.
- I believe that I am strong and capable and people need me to rely on.
- I believe that people’s dependence requires me to maintain my strength and capability.
- I believe my abilities are somehow innately programmed into me and I must preserve them.
What I ultimately lose sight of when I get in this state of mind is that my success and my ability to be reliable for others come directly from my personal reliance on the Lord.
In his book Lead So Others Can Follow, Dr. Jim Bradford “We must recover a basic dependence on God, no matter what it takes.” These words resonate with me so much. I am privileged to have been mentored by Pastor Jim, and he would say all the time, “Brandon, my greatest battle is the battle of my heart.”
He would go on to explain that the daily battle of our hearts is the one we must wake up to fight every day. There are a lot of battles in this world that will demand our attention, but the battle for our heart is the one we need to pay attention to.
Pastor Jim goes on and says that “brokenness is the pathway we must follow”. Daily we need to choose to be broken before God and humble in His presence. The psalmist says, “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” (Psalm 51:17).
God does not need our talents and skills. He doesn’t need my reliability or my strength. Are those tools that can be used to pastor others? Yes, of course they are. But, He doesn’t need them. What he needs is a broken spirit, a contrite heart, and a deep humility. When we cultivate those in our lives, we find that God can move freely through us without being hindered by us.
Finally, Pastor Jim brings it around by saying, “Without it our ministries will amount to little more than what we can accomplish on our own.”
As a person who has dreams, goals, a desire to matter in this life, and even a need to be accomplished, I don’t want to get to the end of my life with things left on the table. At 46 years old, I can see that certainly being a possibility. So, I work harder, strive more, and apply myself tirelessly. Yet, when I step back and align my heart with the Lord, be broken before him, then I find I am far more effective than when I am operating in my own efforts.
For those who are incredibly charismatic, full of talents and abilities, it is easier to be okay with building ministries solely on our own abilities. Because we are able to do a lot on our own. There are many churches and ministries built on the talent and hard work of individuals. But, what I ask myself is, what more could have been accomplished if it was all done in humility and with a brokenness that God can use powerfully?
During His ministry, we see moments where Jesus was broken before God the Father. Particularly at the end before going to the cross. He chose not to build a ministry solely on His own abilities. He chose to be broken before the Lord and humble in His presence. For it, God changed the world through Him.
So, today, I choose to fight the battle of my heart. I choose to pursue the greater things of God rather than the convenient and temporary things of this world. I choose to be broken before the Lord, pursuing humility and contrition. Even on my best days with all my talents, skills, charisma, and knowledge, I am not able to accomplish nearly as much as God can through me when I am broken.
As a pastor, that is truly what matters. How much good I can do in this life serving others and bringing them closer to Jesus?
I pray you are able to fight that fight as well. Battle for your heart today and pursue brokenness before God relentlessly. You will be amazed at what God can do through you when you accomplish that.
